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Jovian Son (A firewall adventure)

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ringringlingling ringringlingling's picture
Jovian Son (A firewall adventure)
This adventure is about a Jovian patriot who goes rogue, threatening to destabilize the peace between the Jovian Republic and the rest of the system. Its a (very) rough draft, based on events and event triggers instead of the usual summary, outline, or location based methods. I'm hoping someone can help me with the editing and maybe contribute a few map layouts or NPC statblocks which I want to index in the back.
File Jovian Son.odt32.09 KB
ringringlingling ringringlingling's picture
Wrote a fun event on a scum ship. (ADULTS ONLY)
ringringlingling ringringlingling's picture
another update
event tree is almost finished with the write up.
ringringlingling ringringlingling's picture
The main branch of the story is done. It still feels a bit linear for my taste, but its an ending.
Baribal Baribal's picture
It's indeed rather linear;
It's indeed rather linear; three of the four chapters are "talk to the guy to find out who to talk to next". right now I have no idea how to fix, but I do like the underlying story, or what it could be, so it's worth fixing. Let's start with a few questions... Why does the Junta send a soldier for therapy and R&R to Europa? Don't they have specialized care facilities themselves? After all, Europa is quite a thorn in the Junta's side, insisting on being independent and all, and even succeeding in being so. Why *did* Chavez remember? That seems rather central to the story, but either I've read too fast, or you didn't explain it. Also, I think that a "What happened so far" section at the beginning of the document, with information like this, would help make it more accessible. After all, it's an adventure guide, not a short story. Stacks usually don't broadcast locater signals, they're small, inert crystal spheres. Does Mulligan use some kind of next generation stack? Incidents like what happens to him are why people have backups, after all. *How* does the Hansen owe anybody money on a scum barge? If he's Scum, he'd live communally, so at worst he could be called a slacker, a freeloader, or, more damning, an asshole, but he wouldn't have individual monetary debts; Maybe he wasted communal assets? If he wasn't scum, why would anybody lend him (communally owned) money? Why would Chavez hide? Willy agreed to shut up (and was under threat of keelhauling if he didn't, it appears), Hansen was gone and apparently not missing, why wouldn't Chavez just hang out in the open until body-swapping right before reaching Reagan? And how is the bodyguard involved in all o this? Why is he willing to waste a rather exotic morph, what was he told? Speaking of "nobody noticed it so far", half a gram of antimatter gets checked out of the system and nobody gets suspicious? Does nobody do sousveillance on that barge? Did the Scum who swapped with Chavez really think that he'd get to retire for being a hero? And that he'd enjoy live in the Junta, and wouldn't miss life on a barge? What's up with that guy? Are there no border controls between the barge and the stadium? How can someone with a Nagasaki bomb's worth of antimatter in their backpack enter a stadium with the pope? Does nobody watch their 511keV sensors? What was Chavez' motivation to blow up the pope? What was he hoping to achieve with that? Given his state of mind, it doesn't have to be a rational argument that he's following, but a kind-of-logical one would be nice. Speaking of which, I think that the story could be improved if the players were able to get their hands on a fork of Chavez just in time to figure out his motivation, which would provide them with sufficient information to talk him out of his attack, if they're socially clever. What'd make it especially thrilling would be a nuke-in-the-backpack-with-a-dead-man's-switch scenario, though again I don't quite see yet how he'd get that antimatter into the stadium in the first place. As far as getting a fork is concerned, seeing how the body swap was apparently performed by two people who aren't body bank techs, it's possible that they triggered automatic backups, or left copies in the ego bridges' caches.
Morgan's Butchery | Body bank, morph individualization and upgrades | Psychotherapy and Psychosurgery, therapeutic and recreational | http://eclipsephase.com/comment/59484#comment-59484
ringringlingling ringringlingling's picture
These are some pretty good points, all things considered. Thank you for reading through my script. 1) The junta an Europa have a working relationship, the Junta levies taxes on Europa and in exchange they leave them alone. I guess you could work it into Chavez pysche profile that prior to the fall, he had great interest in oceans and maritime hobbies. The junta media machine is important for maintaining control of the Republic, it never hurts to show that you have good relations with your neighbors or that you are extending an olive branch. 2) I wanted that to be part of the mystery. He'd obviously been traumatized by the loss of his squad, and due to his edited memories might have had nascent awareness that he was a fork. That combined with his religious beliefs could have made him imagine that something terrible had happened, or that things were not what they seem. But I also wanted to leave it open to speculation and superstition, like an unsolved mystery. 3) Really? I thought stacks had radio transceivers in case someone got spaced or lost out in the middle of no where. In any case, it would be pretty simple to add one. 4) I think Scum are still, at least in part, reliant on the transitional economy. After all, if they want to refuel in Martian territory they are going to need credits, and the Guanxi probably have a presence in scum culture. Just cause a barge has a fabber or two doesn't mean that somebody isn't hoarding it and using it to trade for favors. Even if they didn't deal in credits, I'm sure the Scum take their Gambling rather seriously. 5) Chavez hid because there was security footage of him committing murder and because he knew Willy was going to rat him out eventually. Willy couldn't keep secrets for shit. 6) This is actually a really good point. I thought it was kind of dumb to only have two people watching the anti-matter containment unit, no matter how irresponsible they may have been. There was definitely a log of the incident, but I assume Chavez had enough training to disable the alarm. 7) Yeah, that guy was just really dumb, maybe didn't fit in well with the rest of the barge. Not everyone is well suited to the party life-style. 8) This is another good point. I'm thinking maybe I will have to explain this by saying Chavez borrowed a vacc suit and pushed off, circled around the hab and infiltrated the stadium in order to bypass security. 9) Chavez was convinced he was no longer human, that the Junta had lied to him and worse, that the Junta's leadership was willing to use the very same technology he'd fought his whole life to keep out of peoples hands. He wanted revenge against the Junta, but in the end he wasn't quite rational, he thought that humanity had lost all hope of returning to the true path and that it should all end. What I feel like I need at this point is some sort of branching storyline, one where maybe he ends up becoming an intelligence asset, running a media blitz that forces the Junta to back down or backpedal its official story, then going to ground on Mars as part of a resistance cell. Maybe if the characters reach him in time they can get him some help.
TheBurn TheBurn's picture
How do I open this file?
Every time I try to open it, it just tells me what kind of file it is and how much room it takes. Is there a way to open this file? If not, is there a way to convert it to PDF or something else? I'm on IOS but I do have access to Android.
Picture of Fire taken under CC0 license. (That's the correct syntax, right?)