GMs: What's the craziest thing your players have done?

14 posts / 0 new
Last post
eaton eaton's picture
GMs: What's the craziest thing your players have done?

Suicidal-Crazy: Attacking an async with a kabob
Just-So-Crazy-It-Might-Work-Crazy: Equipping an army of smart monkeys with cyberbrains for distributed infosec attacks
Now-Firewall-Is-After-YOU-Crazy: Recording a basilisk hack and using it as an emergency room clearing tool
Therapy-Crazy: Keeping all the cortical stacks you've "confiscated" in a Santa Claus sack

Pretty curious what others have come up with.

Kojak Kojak's picture
Let's see here: one of my

Let's see here: one of my players brain-hacked a pleasure pod while another player was...erm..."engaging" with her.

Later, she hired a junkie to ambush them, and they put him down with a single shot from a shard pistol loaded with Twitch; the players, wanting to interrogate him, decided to just saw his head off with a vibroknife while he was twitching on the ground but otherwise still fully aware. Yes, they know they could have just dug out his stack. Alcohol may have been involved.

Also, during the last session they executed a con that ended in them ripping off a Triad bookie for access codes to some Lunar bank accounts that scored them 3.5 million credits. Gee, there's no way that's going to come back to bite them in future sessions...

"I wonder if in some weird Freudian way, Kojak was sucking on his own head."
- Steve Webster on Kojak's lollipop

CordialUltimate2 CordialUltimate2's picture
My team had to infiltrate a

My team had to infiltrate a drug den. So of course we posed as drug dealers. And because we had to be convincing we offered a free dose of breeding crab essence with demonstration.
Let's say that our GM is as sick as we are, so many laughs were had.
We didn't have to worry about exurgent sex lunatic running around, because not much later we killed everyone in that building.

The usual bot with a grenade gambit. Only we did it with a horde of sewage drone cleaners. Shitbots just destroyed the 12 battlesynths security detail. And much of the building they were in.

Setting lose a bunch of battlebots with plasma weapons in the center of a martian habitat. They were part of hypercorp lab exurgent containment protocol, hardwired to shoot anything on sight. Only change that was made to their programming by our hacker was to release them from their preprogrammed boundaries. Regular war between the bots and security forces was an excellent distraction for our extraction. And nothing cleans evidence better than plasma and antimatter.


Using HEAP grenades on a spaceship. While standing 10 meters from the point of detonation. Near an external bulkhead.

Cutting of my own hand because it touched something that could have been infected with exurgent virus. If the Firewall was infiltrated enough that it wouldn't matter. (Infection scanner)

Engaging a Hunter-Killer from a martian buggy. And then driving said buggy through a Creeper swarm. On a wild-artificial freeway.
We died.

Exurgents wanna eat your ass and you are low on ammo? Register to mobile gear catalogue at! ORDER NOW! FOR FREE PLASMA MINIMISSILE PACK! *explosive delivery options included

ShadowDragon8685 ShadowDragon8685's picture
Impulsive Act of Crazy:

Impulsive Act of Crazy: Forcibly liberating an indentured waitress from a Chinese restaurant in Elysium... At gunpoint... In broad daylight... On an impulse... With no plan whatsoever.

Some absolutely fantastic rolls on the part of the rest of the team somehow let that lunatic get away with it and they smuggled the rather alarmed indenture to some friendly Barsoomians who could hide her out for a bit.

Skype and AIM names: Exactly the same as my forum name.

My EP Character Questionnaire
Thread for my Questionnaire
The Five Orange Pips

GreyBrother GreyBrother's picture
Players got woken up after

Players got woken up after being asleep for a few decades, well before Nanofabrication became a thing. To them, they are in a far future they couldn't imagine.

One character walks up to one of the "magic microwaves" and tells it to give him a lightsaber. The Fabricator goes to work.
Later on, he wants to cut a cable with his lightsaber. They draw it, press the button, at which point a plastic tip extends from the handle with a satisfying "swoooosh" sound.

ORCACommander ORCACommander's picture
Troll Level 11 :P

Troll Level 11 :P

eaton eaton's picture
::slow clapping::

::slow clapping::

BalazarLightson BalazarLightson's picture
GreyBrother wrote:...with a

GreyBrother wrote:
...with a satisfying "swoooosh" sound.

Epic. I hope you have the players reactions recorded on video.

CordialUltimate2 CordialUltimate2's picture
What a wonderful way to

What a wonderful way to educate players on the limits of of transhuman technology [:')]

On the original topic:

My character (support in combat) was chasing a crazed office worker in an exhuman morph (long story. In short the morph had lots of negative traits AND Psi lvl 2). Me being really bad at close combat you can guess it was a bad idea. I was heavily armored though (25/25) powergamer lvl.
Well I rounded the corner and there he was stabbing me with a katana. At this moment I could have allow him to slice me into pieces. Or I could use my last grenade. With so much armor detonating a grenade on your body is a better option than trying to punch the maniac with a sword.
I survived, he did not.
Unfortunately there was a second one. He sliced my flamethrower. So picture two combatants soaked with torch fuel, one with heavily dented armor and katana sticking out of his chest, and second one a crazy BTX2 spitting maniac. We stared at each other in methane filled air. And then with a grin I struck the katana with my utilitool.
I survived, he did not.

So the lesson to be learned is: "Armor up bitches".

Tactic also successful against swarmanoids.

Exurgents wanna eat your ass and you are low on ammo? Register to mobile gear catalogue at! ORDER NOW! FOR FREE PLASMA MINIMISSILE PACK! *explosive delivery options included

icefyer icefyer's picture
I'm not a GM, but I've had

I'm not a GM, but I've had some hilarious things with my parties. Latest group has this weird ability to go into a situation desiring a peaceful resolution, and then leaving the place as the only ones surviving. Something always happens eventually. One adventure involved going into an illegal body bank with automated security. Scurrier posing as a smart-pet and snuck off into the storage closet while they weren't paying attention, got into their security system and then the fun began once they messed up and realized we were basically the cops. Bad idea for them to have automated security when I was packing well over 100 infosec with bonuses and whatnot.

For the "So crazy it might work" we did the little "I'm just a pet" keeps working for some reason, and had our async pose as a wealthy hypercorp mogul inspecting a place's goodies. She shook his hand with thought scan, guiding the conversation to get information while I mentally hacked the fabbers and whatnot for their records and information. They never even noticed until they mentioned something about they were moderately biocon and didn't like the idea of 'all the crazy looks people have, like your rat there. Freaky looking fucker's probably better off in a zoo...' Apparently the rodent flipping them the bird with every limb at its disposal tipped him off.

Trappedinwikipedia Trappedinwikipedia's picture
I ran a Gatecrashing game

I ran a Gatecrashing game where one member of the party fabbed and mounted an (electric) jet engine on their crasher truck. It was a Titan-like world, so the truck was (barely) flight capable with some extra programming turning the smart material mobility system into an airfoil.

They later triggered a damaged gate by mistake, which began to eat all the energy around it, turning the local environment into a Bose-Einstein Condensate field as it dropped ambient temperature to near 0 K. After it destroyed their Dwarf Bot they escaped the field of destruction by jetting out on a jury-rigged airplane.

Leng Plateau Leng Plateau's picture
My players

Visually memorable crazy:
Dressing the opteryx in an ad hoc heating suit to survive of a near absolute zero world... and making sure he looked like a turkey made by 6-year olds.

Outright crazy:
Our shellshocked novacrab engineer eating the remains of the neo-simian doctor.

Adopting the setting:
After the party managed to resurrect a cryo frozen scientist from the 1960s they decided they liked her so much they dragged her along on adventures in the future.

At least with Lovecraft, nobody pretends the gods are nice. And wherever you end up, there is guaranteed to be tentacles.

MAD Crab MAD Crab's picture
Be fair.

He also ate his own remains once.

gleech gleech's picture
Dropping a sattelite on some exsurgents.

Definitely dropping a satellite on an Exsurgent gang. The gang was operating on the border of the TQZ, pretending to be a Maker Nomad tribe; they were sneaking Exsurgent pretty-bits out of the Zone, and, as happens in Firewall games, got infected by the Exsurgent virus.

Instead of just womping them with disposable seekers - which is what I expected them to do - they decided to have a high C-rep character check to see if anyone was decommissioning a satellite and would be willing to take cash to arrange for it to come down "more quickly than intended" in a totally empty stretch of hill country. They got a critical success on the check, and they found a third-tier hypercorp that ran a relay (I figure, with the space elevator and all, deploying satellites is cheap enough that anyone might do it). And then... womp. I also figure they could get away with this because the Tharsis League pretty much official doesn't give a damn about any Maker Nomads who may or may not be in meteor (or satellite) drop zones.